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Management Principle: Words

The part of the body that creates the most distress in human relationships is the tongue. As the old saying goes, “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Being careful about our own emotional state, watching our attitude, and being mindful of our own stress reactions can go a long way in improving the way we communicate with others. I hope you enjoy this week’s principle.

Words. The words we use and the way we communicate will have a direct impact on the responses we receive from others. If we seek a particular concession, we must lay the proper groundwork and use the right words to create the appropriate incentives. It’s the way humanity works best. If you want your teenage son to show more respect toward his mother, appealing to his personal likes and dislikes, helping him to feel the way he makes others feel, will likely produce a better result than humiliating him in front of his siblings. To be effective at influence, we must always maintain composure, determine the likely outcome of what we say before we say it (and, make appropriate changes ahead of time), and keep other’s best interest in mind. The truth is, our conversations will help or hurt, heal or wound, encourage or deflate depending on the words we use. There really is no such thing as idle influence when communicating with another person.

Coaching questions: How would others rate you with respect to your ability to use the right words? What are some important personal changes you could make, to secure better results from those under your care?

ead more coaching principles from Dean Harbry on the Internal Innovations website.

Management Principle: Coping

It seems that everyone wants to grow in leadership, and have authority over others, but few are really prepared to do what’s required to lead well. Some of the most respected examples from the past are those who were never daunted or distracted from seemingly impossible goals. They know how to frame and then reframe challenges, creating determination and emotional resolve in their people. I hope you enjoy this week’s principle.
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Coping.? When we have expectations that are confronted with disappointing results, we require emotional energy to bridge the gap-we cope. However, when the gap between expectations and reality is too large, we are typically unable to cope, resulting in stress behaviors that differ based on one’s temperament and maturity level. Some lose composure, while others become quiet and distant.

Both conditions represent amateur behavior and are obvious to all those who observe. We lose influence. To grow we must develop self-awareness and anticipate situations that undermine our ability to cope. To combat the issue we take a time out, regroup, and regain emotional reserves while maintaining composure. If we fail to regenerate our reserves, we lose the respect of those around us and wane in our ability to lead. When we say “yes” to leadership, we are really saying “yes” to suffering. A glamorized view of leadership results in an inability to emotionally meet the challenges of the office; we forfeit opportunities to model professional behavior, particularly during tough times when others learn the most as a consequence of our responses.

Coaching questions: What’s your coping capacity? How can you strengthen self-awareness and better anticipate your coping gap?

Read more coaching principles from Dean Harbry on the Internal Innovations website.